I totally lost my feelings
Whether after a relationship, whether after a big or small change in life, we often feel lost. The feeling is not nice. It can even be really scary. But it's also an opportunity to get to know yourself better. An opportunity to be more firm and secure in life than ever before.
We save ourselves in relationships, jobs, roles - out of fear of getting lost
Discover the new life instead of running away
When I feel lost and alone, I feel a bit like a child who loses sight of his dad in the supermarket and suddenly finds himself completely helpless and alone in the crowd. It has no trust in other people yet or that trust has been lost for some reason.
If only someone would be there to catch us. This is perhaps also a common reason why we fall into love relationships and surround ourselves with as many friends as possible. Because we alone have the feeling that we are nothing. As always, I am speaking from experience.
Others may suddenly feel strange and alone in their own lives because something has changed, a relationship is over, or other major changes are imminent.
I thank the world for getting lost in it
A few years ago, walking in a hole, I had nothing left to care for me. I was facing financial ruin, I no longer enjoyed my work and with that I had lost what had given me meaning for many years. It was everything that was really important to me. I am so glad that I lost this life, this identity. Life has forced me to do this, it has forced me to rediscover myself. And what I've found is wonderful! New interests, loves, sides with me, new strength, acceptance of old weaknesses. What I want to say: You may be facing a huge opportunity.
Losing our wrong sense of ourselves
We identify with what we know and know, and when life throws us into the deep end and everything is new or not what it used to be, we notice how little we know about ourselves.
We notice that we don't really know ourselves, but have made ourselves dependent on things and circumstances, have defined ourselves through them, through our job, our friends, the bank account, the car, our own body and health or our own abilities.
Who am I apart from all of this? Of all that that changes all the time. Relationships and partnerships change, everything that is made of matter is subject to constant change. My body, my job, my friends, nothing stays as it is.
And so it is no wonder that we feel lost and alone when we cling to what only exists in our memory. When we identify with what only lives in our thoughts. Or that was never there. With an idea of how we should be. How others might want us.
We overlook what we are. I can't tell you who you are. Only you can do it. Only you know what it's like to be you. How does it feel? Now? Not in your memory. To be here! Not on your Facebook photos, not on old photo albums, not in the mirror. Not what you think about yourself, but who or what you really are.
Only those who do not know themselves are lost
It's no wonder so many people feel lost. Society, parents, teachers, media, they all tell us who we are and who we should be from childhood. We are a man, a woman. We are employers, we are employees, we are Germans, Austrians, French or Mexicans. Is that supposed to matter to us?
Perfect happiness is waiting for us when we pursue a career and find a job that fulfills us and makes all our material desires possible. The "luck" is a silver lining and we are right in the middle of this game, we are the kind that this society is only waiting for, but we also have to fit into it.
We have to fit in, adapt, play by the rules of the others and look like that, talk like that and think like this, that we will be let into the soon-to-be-lucky club.
Lonely and alone is only the one who chooses not to love himself
But what if we lose the relationship, if we lose our job, if we lose our interest in our job and if we no longer see any sense in going on like this? If we really question something or one of the highly praised strategies for success does not work and we are suddenly just a person standing there in the landscape and wondering: what will happen next? And why? And where? And what for?
When we no longer fit into the image of our optimal selves that we got to know from childhood or when our plan to perfection does not seem to work. Then we may lose faith in being part of it, in being on the right track.
But who should tell us what the right way is?
Sure, as children we need someone to show us the way. But later, as young adults, we would know very well ourselves what we want, even if it is first of all “doing nothing”.
But we don't want to disappoint anyone or even think about whether what we have learned is really the truth for us.
When we feel lost and alone, this is an opportunity to find ourselves where we are now stand.
When we feel lost, what is around us must be some kind of maze.
Something that is not good for us, that is not a home for us. The question is: do you want to align your needs with this maze? This jungle of must always be faster, be perfect, be more efficient. Being lovable, getting recognition, not being good enough ... for what?
All these values, I can do less and less with them. Are you the way to a planet at peace? In general satisfaction and well-being? I want to find my way out of this labyrinth and live a life that suits me.
Those who lose themselves get the chance to rediscover themselves
But to do this, we also have to know our needs. To do this, we really need to know ourselves. We learned as children: make a career, make the most of it, find a woman or a man with whom you can build a future, realize yourself! Be individual!
If this individuality consists in having the car painted in a special color, then I don't want to have anything to do with this individuality.
I know better and better what I want and what I don't want, and only then can I take steps in the right direction. Before that I go a path that others have mapped out for me and I am still in the process of becoming clear about which steps I want to take which steps someone might expect of me. Steps that may not have been made to finally get home. Not to be lost anymore, but at home. Right where I am.
photo: Free Photos
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