Why is selfishness offended?

How best to deal with egoists!

Egoists roll through life like bulldozers. Without RΓΌAttention to losses and always focus on yourself, follow their path mercilessly. How do you deal with people who only care about one thing: their personal satisfaction?

Good relationships consist of a balance between give and take. Sometimes there is an imbalance, which then balances out again over time. But sometimes you also have to recognize that you are dealing with an egoist, for whom it is more blissful to receive than to give. Often this cannot be determined so clearly. Sure, there are people whose self-centered and reckless behavior is easily recognizable. For others, however, the signs are subtle, which is often even more toxic in the long term.

These are people who only talk about themselves at meetings and maybe after half an hour they get the idea to ask how you are doing. Often this is simply "forgotten". Or people who like to ask for help and accept it, but dilute themselves when you ask for a favor. Acquaintances and friends who make few suggestions when it comes to activities like an excursion in order to then determine how to spend the day.

Typical signs of egoists

Egoists are in constant competition. They always want to win and use any type of relationship, conversation, or activity as a field of action for their competitive games to prove themselves the better. You can also recognize egoists by the fact that they like to command and play the boss. They can't listen well, and they only know the word compromise from the Duden. Everything revolves around your own thinking and feeling. The wishes and needs of others may be perceived but not taken into account. Egoists are often very successful in getting their way through because they flatten counter-arguments or other ideas like steamrollers. Your confidence can be intimidating.

How does the selfish behavior come about?

People are not born egoists. Typically, they grew up in an environment where their feelings, thoughts, and needs were not recognized or valued. So little emotional intelligence develops and self-confidence gets permanent cracks. In contrast to them, very empathetic people have learned from early childhood to reflect on their feelings and thoughts as their surroundings have encouraged them to do so. In adulthood, children whose feelings are neither valued nor respected have problems adequately expressing their wishes and needs. To make sure that you don't miss out, you can then use the steam hammer method.

Without success in the long term

Although the entertainment media would have us believe that selfishness or a strong elbow technique guarantees success, power, and income, studies speak a different language. In the long term, compassionate and cooperative behavior pays off. Because in the long run, those who ruthlessly strive for success isolate themselves. Instead, striving for harmony proves to be a less stressful and more successful strategy.

Respond to it? Just not!

Asking someone about their selfish behavior is a wasted effort. In the best case scenario, you will encounter incomprehension. It is more likely that the egoist will raise his entire defensive screen and bombard you with killer phrases. Once you are mouth dead, it continues on its course. Because of their low emotional intelligence, egoists are very quick to feel threatened and react in both an offensive and offensive manner.

Setting limits in a subtle way

Do not offer the egoist a surface to attack. There is no point in fighting fire with fire. On the other hand, it is helpful to keep in mind that egoists have little self-confidence - even though they present themselves very differently! As ironic as it sounds, most egoists don't have a very positive self-image. The boastful steamroller behavior is intended to hide their insecurities. They haven't learned that mistakes are human and that overcoming weaknesses leads to true strength.

The egoist needs a lot of attention - basically he is rather lonely. Even if you are reluctant to do so, give him the stage he wants. Listen carefully, and if the egoist says something useful, give positive feedback. A praise or compliment opens the egoist and possibly makes him more amenable to counter-arguments. While doing this, be friendly and maintain eye contact without fixing your eyes. Don't let the egoist dominate you. If you cannot get through, ask to adjourn the interview.

Be clear in word and deed!

You can only control your own actions, not those of others. By being careful with your body language and word choice, you can get the upper hand. So control yourself well, do not show any weaknesses, and do not fire the egoist's aggressiveness with counter-arguments - no matter how sensible or correct they are.

Make sure you understand where your priorities are and where your limits are. Both set you free, as they set a clear framework - not only for the egoist, but also for you! When we know what we want and what is important to us, it is easier for us to create a balance between the forces.

A helpful question is what need we want to satisfy with the other person. That may sound like a paradox, because who likes an egoist as a friend or partner? Still, it's worth it! Perhaps the other person stimulates our compassion and we want to help them (to become more emotional intelligence). Or we can wear it out emotionally. It may be someone you can practice to stand up to.

Whatever the reason, keep yourself open as a possible priority and limit to end the relationship or - if that doesn't work - keep it to a minimum. After all, why should you endure behavior that is not good for you?

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Communication, conflict management, self-management