What screams i'm married

Can men learn from women to be fathers?

No, says Jesper Juul. Men can only learn to be a father from other fathers - but especially when dealing with their children.

Text: Jesper Juul
Illustration:
Petra Dufkova / The Illustrators

A reader writes: I am married, my husband is from Portugal. We have a seven-year-old son. Our problem is that I think my husband thinks “old-fashioned” when it comes to raising our son. We are both reading «Your competent child». I find the book to be an inspiration. With my husband, I have the feeling that he always forgets what we have discussed and then just carries on as before.

Paralyze prohibitions. Equal dialogues, on the other hand, activate and develop the brain.

He always gets very angry when I ask him about his behavior in conflict situations with our son and remind him of the agreement we made based on our conversations. My husband says that this has made him feel offended and that it is affecting the mood in our family. He also believes that when our son is listening to us, we shouldn't have any conflict. But I do care about our child. I am disturbed. I am oppressed to think that it might even cause our marriage to fail. I am very desperate because I love both of them, but what can I do?