Why is my father a tyrant

My father is a tyrant ..

I don't know if that fits into this forum and what I'm actually expecting from it when I write this.

First of all, I'm no longer a pubescent teenager who's a little pissed off right now. My father is ruining my whole life; he is an alcoholic and a disgusting tyrant who destroys his family. You can't even imagine what he's throwing at us. He only stops when everything is bad. He ruins our whole family life. He doesn't hit if that makes a difference to someone, actually not to me.

I don't know what to do anymore, I've talked to my mother about it so often, but it's no use. I guess it's what they call co-dependent. Any other woman would have packed her things long ago, but my mother has been putting up with it for 25 years.

I have younger siblings and I feel responsible. I just can't go It would be better for all of this to weigh on my shoulders than for them to get even more.

I'm really bad. I don't have any friends anymore and we don't even need to start with a working relationship with a man. I am always afraid of being disappointed. And acquaintances and friends do not understand why I am like this; strangely enough, I only know people who come from harmonious families. Nobody understands why I'm not always in a good mood, and now I can no longer maintain the facade because nothing changes and I no longer know what to do it for. I have run out of energy.

My siblings suffer too. Actually everyone in my family is depressed, I've also suffered burnout.

This year I got professional opportunities and I want to take advantage of them because everything should finally come to an end. I've been so lucky to meet people who believe in me. But my father sucks the last bit of energy out of me. But I want to finally have a life and no longer be afraid of it. If I can't use this chance because of my psychological instability, then I won't get any more.

But I also can't just break off contact with my family, I've tried that several times, but I have obligations. I can't and I never will leave my younger siblings alone.

I am sorry that this does not match what I wrote in the forum before, I domesticated the problem so much, but it is still omnipresent and I have no strength at all at the moment.

I can't find a solution, there is just no solution.

I know you can't advise me either. I just had to write that down.

Thanks for reading, Solveigh