How can I find my identity

by Hermann Meyer 

Your own identity can be taken as a guideline for your own path, it is that real Path, while negative fate does not want to signal anything other than that one has strayed from this path. Fate is a Wrong way, i.e. one moves further and further away from one's own identity; or a detour, i.e. it takes a long time to find your way back to your own identity.

Most people find themselves exclusively on these wrong ways and detours, rarely does someone succeed, despite all prophecies of doom, to recognize their own identity and to live according to it.

Why is this, which should actually be taken for granted, so difficult?

First of all, the following often happens: Anyone who has discovered their own identity and wants to enforce it rarely meets with enthusiasm in an environment. People in the vicinity usually only applaud when you meet or embody a norm or an ideal - or when you are like them, when they see yourself reproduced. Some people are only delighted when they see that the other feels, thinks and acts exactly as they do, that the other has the same preferences, the same hobbies, the same sports and the same tastes as them.

However, those who find and realize their own identity deviate from the norm and often differ significantly from their fellow men. This deviation is felt as pain and is often fought fiercely.

In this respect, someone who is on the way to his own identity experiences that there is no one to encourage or reinforce him.

Living your own identity means that you mostly offend the interests of other people, especially if you have served the latter as a projection surface for a long time and they have other plans for you. You no longer meet their expectations, they believe that they can no longer take advantage of them or are afraid of taking back their projections, of having to stand on their own two feet and become independent.

In short: Anyone who is about to realize their own identity is a thorn in the side of their (neurotic) environment. The others see their skins swim away, are angry about so much "ruthlessness".

For those who reap such reactions from their fellow human beings, this "initial aggravation" (similar to homeopathy, in which an initial aggravation can occur after taking a remedy before an alleviation of the symptoms of the disease sets in) is a clear indication that he is is on the right path.

Anyone who wants to become individual must offend, otherwise he remains a mere puppet of the norms and ideals of culture and time.

He has to go this way all by himself, and there is no example for him to orientate himself by, because everyone has a different psychological structure, a different identity and as a result there is no (external) guru or guide here. The guidance on this path must therefore take over one's own inner voice, the voice of nature or of life. It is also important to remember that you rarely see someone among your own circle of friends and relatives who consistently follows the path of your own identity. In addition, there are so many identities to be discovered. Everywhere, in the most varied areas of life, it is important to find your own identity, which then all in all make up your own overall identity, i.e. your own self.

Identity in Sport
Identity in feeling
Identity in action
Identity in Creativity
Identity in lifestyle
Identity in the presentation to the outside world
Identity in terms of place of residence and neighborhood
Identity in relation to home furnishings
Identity in raising children
Identity in nutrition
Identity in taste
Identity in the erotic
Identity when choosing a partner
Identity in the form of relationship
Identity in sexuality
Identity in the sexual fantasy
Spiritual identity
Identity in the philosophy of life
Identity in the job
Identity in leisure time
Identity when choosing hobbies
Identity in choosing friends
Identity in wishes and dreams
Identity ...

Here are a few examples of how the process of finding one's identity can be made more difficult by the environment:

Identity in sport:
Franz L. grew up in the mountains of Tyrol / Austria. In the village where he lived from an early age everyone went skiing. But Franz just couldn't get excited about skiing. Due to pressure and coercion from both the family and the school, Franz tried again and again. He stood helpless and sullen on his boards, making him an outsider par excellence among his own kind. It wasn't until years later that Franz found the sport that more suited his personality, inclinations and talents: tennis. He realized that tennis was his world. And in fact he was honored here, becoming club champion and finally even district champion.

Food identity:
Max H. was born into a farming family in Lower Bavaria. His mother served him rough Bavarian food every day - pork knuckles with dumplings, soup meat, brain soup, lung, heart, press sack, brawn, black pudding and liver sausage. Although he was disgusted with these dishes, he had no choice but to ingest this "dirty food" - as he used to put it - especially since there was nothing else to do with his friends and relatives and even in the restaurants in the area. It was not until many years later that Max H. came into contact with organic whole foods. For him it was like waking up from a nightmare. He had finally found a meal that suited his taste and aesthetic standards!

Identity in taste:
Viktoria P., an attractive foreign language correspondent, only wears expensive clothes from a select designer. She wants to show the outside world that she has style, level and taste. In fact, it is confirmed many times over and confirmed in her belief that her taste is excellent. But many people are not honest with her, and behind closed doors express that these clothes do not correspond to their personality type. Because of this, Viktoria P. has not yet found her own real taste. As before, she rejects other branded clothing or even ready-made clothing, although some of these pieces suit her better and would be more in line with her financial possibilities.

Spiritual identity:
Reinhold O. turned out to be a cuckoo's egg in the working class family in which he grew up. In the eyes of his parents, he had "two left hands" (= work shy) and more than funny views. Because of his peculiar way of thinking, he was also laughed at and mocked by friends. But one day, Reinhold had just turned 19, he came across the writings of Freud, Adler, Jung and Groddeck. These thoughts were like a revelation to him. He recognized that such important, educated, and intelligent men thought like him, and that it was not he who thought wrong, but the others, to whom only his sensitivity and sophistication seemed strange.

Bibliography: Hermann Meyer, 'The devil always shits on the biggest pile'; and 'Everyone gets the partner they deserve', Trigon Verlag


more pages on the subject of identity - texts on the meaning of life


with kind recommendations 
Humanistic ACTION